Dear Anokkhi,
I know you are a mess right now. But don't worry, things will work out. Whatever you are doing right now, stop. Go outside, call your friends, do things that makes you happy.
Life has been always hard for you. But now its time to let go all your worries. You have a super messed up family and your parents hate you. But that's okay, everyone has problems. You have waited for such a long time just for their love and support, but destiny had some other plans. Not everyone gets their parents love. You assume that you are one of them.
You have sacrificed a lot in life, just for them and in return you were always empty handed. Since you were the eldest, you had be responsible from a very small age. Nobody cares even if you are sick, all they want you is to do all the household chores. And if you are unable to do some work, they will insult you like hell.
You have been always taught in school to respect your parents and obey them. But what about your feelings when they insult you and tell that they hate you. Just because they are your parents, you have to listen to all that shit. Can't a child expect some respect and love in return. Is that too much to ask?
You were always alone. They never came to drop you to school or to boost your morale during your board exams. They didn't even come for your college admission or for your open house or when you were awarded for being topper in college. How come they were busy during all your important events, but were free when your brother and sister needed them.
Till now i had some hope that one day things will be different. Then there was a day when i was in college, i met with an accident and was injured badly. The doctor had asked me to rest for 15 days minimum. I was unable to move from bed. The next morning my father woke me up and asked me to make tea for him. My mother had left for work. There was no one to take care of me and instead i was responsible for the whole day household chores. Seeing all this i was heartbroken. I know how i had managed that day. I could barely move since my right leg, my back and my arms were injured. But then also i did everything i was suppose to. From that day onward i believed that i was alone in this world and i was just a maid for them, nothing else. That day i understood that i meant nothing to them. Even if i would have died in that accident, they won't be affected. I had wasted all these years just to impress them so that one day they will accept me. But sadly that day never came.
From now you should focus on yourself. I know you have very few friends but you are special to them. So call them and hangout with them. Prepare a bucket list and start working on it. Find new interests and new people. Leave your past life back and just move forward. Get a new job, get your own place and live with your bestie, write a blog, colour your hair, find a new hobby, etc. Don't let your insecurities come in your way to success. Be a total new person but most importantly a better one.
Start celebrating your birthday just for the sake of people who love you. Celebrate festivals and important events. I know you stopped all that when you were a little girl because all you have seen is fights and torture and bad behavior. Forget all that dark memories that still gives you goose bumps. Life will be not always same. Consider that as a bad dream and try to forget it.
Life is short. So go on unplanned trips, play adventure sports, love your friends and be alive. And if you stuck somewhere your bestie is there to help you.Do not run away from things. Just stand tall and face it. And you never know you may find your perfect man. Meet people,fall in love, do crazy things and experiment.
There's nothing wrong in living for yourself.
So just be patient, hold on tight and love yourself.
Just keep going.
Lots of love.
